"We're the members of the All-American League..."

Admit it - we all have our specific movies that make us cry. For some people, it's the obvious ones, like "Terms of Endearment", "Beaches", or "The Way We Were." But aside from those, there are the lesser known ones that make me emotional - the comedies that bring tears to my eyes, or the sentimental, overwrought dramas that make me bawl, even though nobody else finds them engaging.

One of those movies for me is "A League of Their Own." Yes, that one. The baseball movie with Madonna. I don't know how I got attached to this movie in the first place, considering the fact that I hate baseball, but nonetheless, this movie has been making me cry since 1992, when I saw it in theaters.

From the first piano notes of Carole King's "Now and Forever", which plays while an older version of Geena Davis's character gets ready to go to the Baseball Hall of Fame, to the teamwork montages in which Rosie O'Donnell and Madonna throw baseballs at each other, to the scene where Betty Spaghetti's husband dies and she has to be escorted away by Tom Hanks, as well the scene where Dottie's husband come back - all of it gets me emotional.

Despite the fact that no one dies, has a fight with their mother, or falls in love with their best friend, "A League of Their Own" is the ultimate chick flick. There's a sibling rivalry, a love story or two, a dancing scene, a sing along on a bus and in a locker room, and in the end, it's all about the bonds of sisterhood. It even stars Tom Hanks, and was directed by a woman.

Not only is this movie ABOUT sentimentality and reminiscing, but the film, as well as the soundtrack, also holds some personal nostalgia for me. "Now and Forever" was the prom song at my high school, and it was chosen in part by my best friend, who used to sing this song with me as we trudged through the halls. "This Used to Be My Playground" was released as a single on cassette (I know!) the sumer I went to travel camp, and I used to play it on the bus during the last week of camp so we could all lament our return to junior high. "There's no crying in baseball" was a popular catch-phrase among my college roommates. And yes, I do know all of the words to the made-up Girls' Professional Baseball song.

In case that last paragraph didn't tip you off, one of my big weaknesses, both in real life and on film, is learning to let go of the past, and being nostalgic. Needless to say, by the time the ending credits roll and "This Used to Be My Playground" starts up, I'm a pathetic mess of a puddle on the floor. I still remember being the only one left in the theater long after the credits ended, trying to pull myself together and recover from the sadness of all that, uh, baseball.

5 "Lesbian Movies" which aren't really Lesbian Movies

If you're like me and you're suffering from frequent unemployment, an inability to afford premium cable channels, and a general bitterness towards of all the reality shows and reruns we've been subjected to during the strike, here are some craptastic films that can be easily found on basic cable, and usually more than once a day. These are movies that will warm your queer heart, but you won't find them on Logo or at Outfest. Instead, you can find them on USA, TBS or TNT running on a loop for an entire Sunday.

None of these films are actually about lesbians, and they usually don't even mention lesbians at all, but they still manage to appeal to our gay sensibilities. They all feature a barely-there plot, usually about a naive girl who is "saved by" something ridiculous, like surfing, singing, or her math teacher. They mostly include an on again/off again romance with some boy who is inevitably going to help the girl be "saved" by whatever she's going to be saved by. And they all include at least one young, cute movie star... before they were movie stars, drunks, or both.



1. Blue Crush. Girls in bikinis. Michelle Rodriguez. Water. Lots of it. Some kind of surfing contest. Did I mention Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini?



2. Coyote Ugly. Logic and common sense seem to dictate that this should not be a movie lesbians (or women at all, actually) like. Naive girl moves to big city, virtually becomes a stripper, meets a boy, without whom she would not end up with the singing career she ends up with at the end of the movie. All the rules of feminism dictate that we should not like this movie. Yet... it's a craptastic joyride of a movie for lesbians everywhere. There's something about that wide-eyed ingenue (played by Piper Perabo, who later went on to star in that fine lesbian classic, Imagine Me and You) surrounding herself with debauchery and semi-nudity that gets me every time. Oh, and did I mention the scene(s) where the girls all "dance" on the bar to "Pour Some Sugar on Me?" Klassy.



3. Mean Girls. What is it with lesbians and this movie? Is it the idea of Lindsay Lohan as a teenager in a push up bra? (I hope not.) Is it because, as women who were once teenage girls, we unwittingly relate to this movie in ways no one wants to admit? Although it's frequently lumped in with the rest of the high-school-movie genre, I find that this particular flick has slightly more intelligence, depth, and well, hotness. And there's a reason for that: Tina Fey. Her character is a great dorky predecessor to Liz Lemon, and Fey is absolutely charming as the math teacher who saves high school. Forget the boy in this one - Tina Fey is the real heroine in this movie.



4. Bring it On. "I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot. I'm bitchin', great hair. The boys all love to stare. I'm wanted, I'm hot. I'm everything you're not. I'm pretty, I'm cool. I dominate the school." I didn't do that from the top of my head. I swear. Cheerleaders, catfights, bitchy high school wackiness, what more could you ask for? Eliza Dushku as the rebellious, somewhat dykey anti-cheerleader who has frequent sleepovers with Kirsten Dunst? Done.



5. Bend It Like Beckham. Girls playing soccer to the sounds of rollicking chick-pop, female friendship wackiness, and a non supportive family define the appeal of this movie. But when you dig a little deeper, it's the idea that Jess has to learn to be herself and not hide her, uh, soccer playing from her family anymore that makes this movie brilliant - what gay girl can't relate to that? The parallels are not lost on the filmmakers either, who peppered their screenplay with lots of silly "soccer player = lesbian" jokes. The best ones come from Keira Knightley's mother, who says things like, "All I'm saying is, there's a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella!" Plus, no matter your sexual preference, there's no denying how cute Jonathan Rhys Myers is.

Betrayed by my "Friends"

I love Friends. But last night, when I sat down for my nightly dose of a syndicated pick-me-up, I was severely disappointed. It was like being betrayed by my usually loyal best friend. It was unexpected and a little bit traumatic. In the late-in-the-series 9th season episode that aired in syndication the other day, titled "The One with Phoebe's Rats," my beloved Friends resorted to a joke that not only have they used before, but that they are most definitely above.

Amidst all of the other chaos in the episode, which includes Phoebe keeping rats as pets and Rachel having a birthday party, Ross manages to hire a new nanny for Emma. The girls are immediately threatened when the guys start fawning over how hot she is, and and Joey immediately hits on her. Wackiness involving Joey ensues, and for 23 minutes, we have to listen to Ross whine about what will happen if Joey sleeps with his new nanny. The payoff for that already brilliant setup? The nanny is actually a lesbian! Just in case you don't understand the joke, let me explain. This is funny to sitcom writers because a) now Joey can't hit on her anymore! b) all of that drama between Ross and Joey was unnecessary! and c) lesbians can't be pretty! Are you kidding me with this? The oldest, most boring of lesbian stereotypes and sitcom jokes in the book was just uttered by people who were supposed to be my Friends.

As I looked at the clock, and realized that my beloved TV show had just spent most of the episode setting up that "joke," I couldn't help but shout "seriously?!" in true Meredith Grey fashion. Really, Marta and David? Is that the best you could do? Not only has that joke been done before, but it's been done by you! And the first version was better, too (see video below). The one that had three dimensional characters, an actual developing lesbian relationship, and went on for about five seasons, until Carol and Susan disappeared into some kind of sitcom graveyard. (They're buried next to Paul's sister from Mad About You, Ellen Morgan, and Jessie and Katie from Once and Again).




I find it hard to believe that the show that came up with Carol and Susan is now resorting to the "hot girl is really a lesbian" joke. Perhaps that wise TV sage Emily Gilmore was right when she said "there's nothing funny about being a lesbian," because, well, just being a lesbian isn't particularly funny. The problem with the punchline on this particular Friends episode is that it's the type of joke frequently used in sitcoms and in recent romantic comedies - one that doesn't require the writer the know their character's personality at all. It's the type of joke which singles people out and ostracizes them for being who they are, which is a strange thing coming from the show which usually touts acceptance by welcoming us into it's characters' living rooms every day. Worst of all, though, it's old, it's boring and it's ordinary. And frankly, I expect a lot more than "ordinary" from my Friends.