"The Secrets" at Outfest

Outfest, the LA gay and lesbian film festival, opened yesterday. I went tonight to see one of the features, an Israeli drama called "The Secrets."

"The Secrets" is set in some godforsaken religious enclave tiny town in Israel, where bookish Naomi is a student at a women's seminary. Right from the beginning, I made a note to myself to look up whether these seminaries actually exist. It seems like creating a women's seminary is the antithesis of the teachings of Orthodox Judaism, so I wondered whether the entire movie was supposed to be set in this kind of fictional fantasy world. Nevertheless, whether it's based on real life or not, the film does transport you effectively into it's world, with an ethereal, sort of fairy tale quality to it. These girls live in dorm rooms that look like they belong in an old Scottish castle, in a town where the cobblestone streets look too narrow for cars, and hanging laundry blows in the wind everywhere you look.

ETA: The more I think about it, the more I'm remembering that these seminaries do exist - it's where they send girls who made it through high school without getting married, so they can kind of buy time while their parents set them up with husbands. Even so, whether or not it's based on a real thing didn't really matter in the film.

Naomi is a smart, bookish introvert, and her way of mourning her mother's recent death is to convince her rabbi father to send her to seminary so she may spend more time studying before she enters into her arranged marriage. Enter Michelle, Naomi's exotic French roommate, who sweeps in yielding a cigarette and fancy cell phone. Though Naomi is at first put off by Michelle's snobbery, the two become fast friends when they are assigned to take care of a dying French woman named Anouk who supposedly murdered her lover. From there, the film becomes even more fantastical as it delves into healing rituals, Kabbalah, and semi-pornographic French art. A particularly memorable scene occurs when the girls, along with their roommates from the peanut gallery, take Anouk to a mikvah (ritual bath) in order to begin the cleansing ritual that will eventually lead her to heaven. Though the scene was still effective within the world of the film, I couldn't help but think of every tween movie slumber party where the kids go nuts with a Ouija board.

From there, the two girls only fall more in love with each other, all while discovering all kinds of Jewish spiritual guidance and getting more and more frustrated with their limited role in the religious community. Without giving away too much, suffice it to say that given those discoveries in the first two acts, the film looks promising... until the the third act, when it kind of backtracks, leaving the characters in almost the same place they were when the movie began. The girls' romance ends up defined by one eventful sleepover and a few stolen kisses, but ultimately leaves the audience cold. By the end of the film, Naomi's previously guarded heart is sufficiently broken in many ways, but after one good, much needed cry, she doesn't seem to care much at all. The film lives up to it's name in that "The Secrets" remain secrets long after the film ends, which in this case, made me wonder why I had just sat through two hours of it.

Aside from the ending, though, the film was enjoyable, as were all of the performances, even though the directing left much to be desired. To be honest, if this were an American movie, I think it would probably be relegated to Lifetime. However, the fact that it's Israeli, and that it delves into the world of Orthodox Judaism lends it a little more credibility. The soundtrack was beautiful as well, and really fit with the tone of the film.

ETA 2: According to the film's website, the music featured in the film is all liturgical Hebrew prayers. According to Orthodox Jewish law, women are not supposed to sing so they're heard, because it induces sexual desire. The choral arrangements of the Shabbat prayers, wedding songs, etc. featured in the film are all-female choirs, which has apparently never been recorded before. I thought it was beautiful, and am trying to figure out if I can download some of the songs, but no such luck so far.

5 "Lesbian Movies" which aren't really Lesbian Movies

If you're like me and you're suffering from frequent unemployment, an inability to afford premium cable channels, and a general bitterness towards of all the reality shows and reruns we've been subjected to during the strike, here are some craptastic films that can be easily found on basic cable, and usually more than once a day. These are movies that will warm your queer heart, but you won't find them on Logo or at Outfest. Instead, you can find them on USA, TBS or TNT running on a loop for an entire Sunday.

None of these films are actually about lesbians, and they usually don't even mention lesbians at all, but they still manage to appeal to our gay sensibilities. They all feature a barely-there plot, usually about a naive girl who is "saved by" something ridiculous, like surfing, singing, or her math teacher. They mostly include an on again/off again romance with some boy who is inevitably going to help the girl be "saved" by whatever she's going to be saved by. And they all include at least one young, cute movie star... before they were movie stars, drunks, or both.



1. Blue Crush. Girls in bikinis. Michelle Rodriguez. Water. Lots of it. Some kind of surfing contest. Did I mention Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini?



2. Coyote Ugly. Logic and common sense seem to dictate that this should not be a movie lesbians (or women at all, actually) like. Naive girl moves to big city, virtually becomes a stripper, meets a boy, without whom she would not end up with the singing career she ends up with at the end of the movie. All the rules of feminism dictate that we should not like this movie. Yet... it's a craptastic joyride of a movie for lesbians everywhere. There's something about that wide-eyed ingenue (played by Piper Perabo, who later went on to star in that fine lesbian classic, Imagine Me and You) surrounding herself with debauchery and semi-nudity that gets me every time. Oh, and did I mention the scene(s) where the girls all "dance" on the bar to "Pour Some Sugar on Me?" Klassy.



3. Mean Girls. What is it with lesbians and this movie? Is it the idea of Lindsay Lohan as a teenager in a push up bra? (I hope not.) Is it because, as women who were once teenage girls, we unwittingly relate to this movie in ways no one wants to admit? Although it's frequently lumped in with the rest of the high-school-movie genre, I find that this particular flick has slightly more intelligence, depth, and well, hotness. And there's a reason for that: Tina Fey. Her character is a great dorky predecessor to Liz Lemon, and Fey is absolutely charming as the math teacher who saves high school. Forget the boy in this one - Tina Fey is the real heroine in this movie.



4. Bring it On. "I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot. I'm bitchin', great hair. The boys all love to stare. I'm wanted, I'm hot. I'm everything you're not. I'm pretty, I'm cool. I dominate the school." I didn't do that from the top of my head. I swear. Cheerleaders, catfights, bitchy high school wackiness, what more could you ask for? Eliza Dushku as the rebellious, somewhat dykey anti-cheerleader who has frequent sleepovers with Kirsten Dunst? Done.



5. Bend It Like Beckham. Girls playing soccer to the sounds of rollicking chick-pop, female friendship wackiness, and a non supportive family define the appeal of this movie. But when you dig a little deeper, it's the idea that Jess has to learn to be herself and not hide her, uh, soccer playing from her family anymore that makes this movie brilliant - what gay girl can't relate to that? The parallels are not lost on the filmmakers either, who peppered their screenplay with lots of silly "soccer player = lesbian" jokes. The best ones come from Keira Knightley's mother, who says things like, "All I'm saying is, there's a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella!" Plus, no matter your sexual preference, there's no denying how cute Jonathan Rhys Myers is.